With Christmas still many months away, we still wanted to share with you all this article written by our Bondi Chaplain, Reverend Blake Hatton from last Christmas. It’s a good reminder for all year round.
“Did you see the new Bronzies care for that lady with the asthma during 'Bottles' on Sunday?” I was watching them from up on the veranda as they got their graduation photos down in front of the club. Suddenly 3 beach goers approached seeking help for their friend. Space blanket on: Tick. Puffer and spacer: Tick. 4x4x4: Tick. Later I asked one of the recruits what had happened. He said about the asthma but he went on and said he’d soon realised while others were treating her, that she was mainly feeling worried. "My heart is just thumping", she'd said. So instead of fixing the problem, he did a different kind of thing. He calmed her with gentle voice and warm presence. I'm going to call this "a non-fixing-presence".
Have you heard the classic line remixed: “Don't just do something? Stand there.” It is the idea of not simply rushing to fix but slowing to notice and look for other options.  And in this week of Christmas, maybe you and I might take the new Bronzie’s lead, and not only in first aid responses. Are you anticipating someone difficult at your family table on Christmas Day? Do you have a challenging conversation with a colleague that needs to happen before the office closes for the year? Are there rising tensions with someone in your apartment?  Well then, here is a thought: Try being a non-fixing-presence.
Sometimes, in first aid, you can't fix things.  I had to re-learn this recently. There was an incident on the beach. It was pretty serious, but - once help was sent for - there was just not much I could do. I sat there feeling useless. I was powerless to fix. All I could do was sit and hold their head, using my voice a little. Not much at all. 
But "not much" is also not “no-thing". So this is my newly gained clarity for lifesaving and first aid: sometimes you get to fix problems, but sometimes all you get to do is be present. And this is not nothing; it's special. Because none of us likes to be alone. To be genuinely present with someone, whether they are injured or not, does something. Sometimes being present without being powerful has its own kind of power.
But this also applies outside of first-aid: difficult family members, workmates that seem against us, even tension at the club. At the moment, I'm one part of a challenging relationship (you know who you are!!! Jokes: they aren’t part of our club). Because of the context of that relationship, there is no avoiding it. I have tried to 'fix' the tension. Sometimes I have probably verged on trying to fix the person! But neither of those projects has worked. Sometimes my attempts to fix the problem have wound the tension harder. 
A wise friend told me to stop with the fixing: stop correcting, confronting, needing change. But they said, at the same time don’t withdraw from the person completely (neither physically nor emotionally with cold shoulders and the like).  Instead, be relationally present without the need to sort it all out right here and now. And this has been remarkably helpful. It isn't about being a doormat or letting go of your values. Instead new opportunities for learning emerge, and openings for engagement appear as we engage as a non-fixing presence (and therefore a non-threatening presence).  
So at the Christmas lunch or amidst workplace tensions or in the middle of apartment politics, why don't you try something new? See what happens if you pull back from fixing, confronting, correcting, needing agreement and instead see if connecting on other, more basic level, things opens things, loosens things a little.  What am I actually suggesting? Not ignoring issues but approaching a person on terms beyond those of the disagreement or difference. A warm greeting, the offer of assistance or gratitude. A calm and sincere "hows things for you?" Genuine interest in them. This feels costly (it’s a kind of precursor to forgiveness actually) but good things cost.
I’m just encouraging you in the lead up to Christmas day to consider the people and challenges in your life and have a go not diving in to solve. Instead, be a real, gentle, non-fixing presence and see what opens up. Reverend Blake Hatton.